1997 was a season filled with optimism. An expansion team from South Florida hoisted the World Series trophy, a British girl group showed us what we really, really wanted, and the world reveled in the fact that it had three years to party hard before the inevitable Y2K bug demise.
Coincidentally, the baseball simulator that taught me everything I needed to know about scouting, development and building a team was introduced to the market that very same season. The day Humongous Entertainment’s Backyard Baseball - a CD amongst floppy discs, mind you - hit stores, I became a student of the game. Players had varying degrees of talent, ranked by a primitively sabermetric X/4 “baseballs" rating system, and it was up to each junior GM to assemble their team with a balance of power and speed, durable starting pitching and dominant relief, high-OBP kids and defensive whizzes.
Which brings us to today. 16 years after Gwynn’s eighth batting title and Livan’s triumph over Castro and Cleveland, the original kids of Backyard Baseball have reunited (thanks to thisFacebook thing that came along in the game’s ninth or tenth iteration) for a pickup couple of innings. And they graciously invited their manager, significantly less flat-chested and frizzy-haired than in the inaugural season, to tag along - that is, granted, I carry the coolers loaded with Keystone Light and take my own car.
The first to arrive, naturally, is Pete Wheeler. Celebrated for his raw speed but never mistaken for a cerebral player, Pete played center field and running back for his high school varsity team, and drew some collegiate attention. However, he was unable to score the necessary 250 on his SAT to attend on a two-sport scholarship, so he settled in to his hometown. He is now the head groundskeeper at Humongous Stadium, and is a Liberty Tax preparer in the offseason.
Achmed Khan played a year of JuCo ball, but had his big league dreams derailed by a rotator cuff injury said to be caused by throwing one too many fireballs. After the fall of Napster in 2001, Achmed found himself at both an emotional and musical crossroads. One copy of Cat Stevens’ “Tea for the Tillerman" from the public library changed the course of the hard rocker’s life. Achmed and his brother Amir now co-own a Lululemon outlet store in Vancouver.
Achmed Khan played a year of JuCo ball, but had his big league dreams derailed by a rotator cuff injury said to be caused by throwing one too many fireballs. After the fall of Napster in 2001, Achmed found himself at both an emotional and musical crossroads. One copy of Cat Stevens’ “Tea for the Tillerman" from the public library changed the course of the hard rocker’s life. Achmed and his brother Amir now co-own a Lululemon outlet store in Vancouver.
Luanne Lui, barely out of Pull-Ups when she made her Backyard debut in 1997, staggers to the field twenty minutes late. Raccoon-eyed and debriding the infield dirt in last night’s silver stilettos, she rolls her eyes at Achmed and mutters, “Don’t look at me like that, creep. I still have those pictures of us - and last time I checked, I was only 16 in them."
Face-down in a dumpster where two high school baseball players had not-so-gently deposited him, Dmitri Petrovich found himself at a crossroads. Revenge, he determined, was a dish best served haute. A noted pioneer in the geek-chic fashion movement, Dmitri graced centerfolds in Wired and PC Magazine before opening his own adult production agency, aptly named “Pasties."
Marky DuBois’ family returned to Alabama not long after the 1997 season. The losses of both his pet frog (to a toilet in the back of a Mobil station), and the love of his Little League life, Billie Jean Blackwood (who chose to “experiment" with surfer girl Samantha Pearce, who joined the league when the game went PlayStation), were catalysts in Marky’s personal development. After reluctantly adopting the wearing of shoes during games, his play improved as well. He currently roams the outfield for the Toronto Blue Jays. Perhaps you recognize him.
Determined not to follow in the footsteps of her brother, who appeared in the alternate-pilot episode of MTV’s Jersey Shore as “DJ Tony D," Angela Delvecchio reconnected with trust fund kid and middle infielder Reese Worthington after high school. As a precursor to their vows, Reese insisted that Angela sign a pre-nuptial agreement prohibiting her from any contact with the other males from the backyard league. The couple has two children, both with severe allergies.
A type-2 diabetic for the past 16 years, Kimmy Eckman was picked up by an undercover cop trying to solicit “candy." When she realized the set up, Kimmy made a run for it. Of course, as any of her former managers know, the chase lasted a grand distance of half a city block (including the five-second head start the officer allowed her.) She was recently released from county prison on account of the misunderstanding.
Not to be overlooked, color commentary of the reunion was provided by Sunny Day, who spent five years at Arizona State University earning both Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Broadcast Journalism. She works at an Urban Outfitters outside Phoenix, and still takes great pride when announcing, at the end of her shift, “The time is now 9:00 PM and this Urban Outfitters location is closed. Be sure to have a sunny day!"
Vinny the Gooch dropped out of school in 11th grade after an incident involving suggestive graffiti in the men’s room. Word on the street says he is currently working for ESPN under the assumed name of Buster Olney.